my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
