I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
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My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
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