I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.