i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
21 Disappointing Confessions From Teenage Fathers
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
19 Of The Most Epic “I Quit’ Stories Ever
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw