i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Randomize
