Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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