everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
