i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Randomize
