i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
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