Do vagina's smell?
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
