My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
