Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Randomize
