Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
