I think scott just propositioned me for sex
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Randomize
