Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Randomize