I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Randomize
