GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
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