I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
