omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
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