batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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