my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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