The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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