You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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