You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
