I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
