You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
