These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Randomize
