Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
