I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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