Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
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