you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
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