There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
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