I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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