I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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