So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
