my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Shitshow foam night was such a success
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
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