Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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