ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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