hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
