That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Randomize
