I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
