a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
dude. I can hear the air.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
