she kept yelling 'call me bella'
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
there is glitter all over my balls
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
