I think I won the penis lottery.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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