It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
