you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize