That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
