So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
