The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
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Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
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I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.