My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
