How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
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