I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
