For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize