Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Don't EVER smell your tampon
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
The Olympian is in my bed
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
