Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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