if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
