garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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