absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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