Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
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Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
my nose is crying tears of wow.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
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