I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
