I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I need to sanitize my soul.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Randomize
