Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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