You made me cry and you don't even care
Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
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