I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
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