can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
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