thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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