If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
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Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
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Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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