Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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