Whod you bang
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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