I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
