tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
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