How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
