I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Randomize
