Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
