I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
