i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
