Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
ttyl tear gas
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Randomize
