did you get engaged???
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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