I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
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We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
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