There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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